So, you’ve been hearing about Center Parcs holidays for years from family and friends? You’ve considered it a couple of times but an all-inclusive resort by the sea has beaten it every time? Now you’re finally contemplating it for late summer or maybe this autumn, but can’t really be bothered to read a million reviews floating about in cyberspace? Good, maybe what follows is just what you need to read.

DISCLAIMER 1: This is not a review. This is just me walking you through how to maximise your Center Parcs vacation in case you are already considering one.

DISCLAIMER 2: Center Parcs are not paying me for this post. I sure as hell wish they were, but they’re not.

DISCLAIMER 3: I lost weight – a kilo to be precise – during my five-day holiday. No, the food wasn’t bad. In fact, it was great. The point I’m trying to make is: if lying on a hammock and snoozing all day is your idea of a holiday, then this is probably not for you. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not the hyper-fit sporty type that annoys every other type on the planet. Far from it. But the point I’m trying to make is that a Center Parcs vacation is really all about activities, so don’t go if you would rather vegetate or be a couch potato.

Alright, so with the disclaimers out of the way, let’s start with the basics and take a look at their marketing pitch.

“The Center Parcs concept is to provide short breaks in the forest, bringing families together and back to nature with high-quality accommodation, a range of outstanding leisure facilities and more than 200 indoor and outdoor activities, all set within a protected and enhanced woodland environment” – is what Center Parcs say about themselves.

Is any of that true? Here’s a quick reckoner from my first ever Center Parcs holiday, which was at Park Bostalsee in Germany. It was my sister’s family and the four of us, so kids in our party ranged from the age of five to fifteen. And we chose Germany because it is sort of halfway between Denmark and Switzerland, where she and I live respectively. The original concept is from the UK, I understand, and now there are Center Parcs all over France, Belgium, Netherlands, and Germany as well. Here’s what we found:

Short breaks: Yes. You can book a Center Parcs break for a three-night weekend (Friday to Monday), four-night midweek (Monday to Friday, which is what we did) or seven-nights (starting Monday or Friday).

In the forest: Yes, I found that to be true at Center Parcs Bostalsee and from all the online research I did before booking, it does seem to be the case for every Center Parcs location.

Bringing families together: Oh yes! I have two teenage boys who miraculously did not spend the week on the phone, PlayStation or TV, but instead played tennis and minigolf, swam in the lake, rode down water slides, and climbed trees with us, the most uncool of creatures, i.e. their parents.

High-quality accommodation: This is a maybe. It can’t compare with luxury resort settings, but the cottages were certainly spacious and nice enough. We had booked a VIP cottage, so perhaps we saw the best of the lot. However, after our sojourn there it was pretty clear that all the cottages are probably largely similar, with the VIP booking only offering up high-speed Wi-Fi, a private sauna in the master bath, and towels as extras. Yes, towels. Don’t ask. This is Europe.

Range of outstanding leisure facilities: True indeed, but I would say it definitely favours younger kids over teenagers. It’s a virtual bonanza for five-year-olds like my nephew who could do a kids’ safari, visit a petting zoo, ride ponies, fling themselves onto all shapes and sizes of water slides, climb a jungle gym indoors or outdoors, try their hand (and feet) at parkours, and do some 100 other things.

In comparison, activities for my two teens were more sport-based, but hey, who’s complaining? As already outlined at the start, they had more than enough to keep them outdoors and busy and they slept like logs when they hit the sack at the end of the day.

For adults who love swimming and sports, it’s also a no-brainer. For the less athletically-inclined, you can always lie on a deck chair on the beach and chill the day away. It seems all Center Parcs are built around a major water body, either the sea or a big lake, so that beach option is always there. I spent a wonderful evening minus the kids stretching in the sand and dipping in the water. More non-sporty options include a delightful bowling alley and arcade where you can sip mojitos till midnight if you so wish (you can also do that in the Market Café unto the wee hours), fishing, pedal boating and live music and entertainment in the evening. The entertainment however, was totally wasted on us as we don’t speak German.

In a nutshell, it was a great holiday. We had a lot of family time, did tons of activities together, made the most of the beautiful natural surroundings including the lake and forest, ate well and slept well. What more could one want, huh?

Well, you do have to manage your own housekeeping once you check in, run the dishwasher yourself, take out the trash etc. In that sense it’s more of a holiday home than a hotel. I found an easy solution by just not cooking all week, and so I can confirm that you can absolutely do that too. There are many dining options and we had taken the demi-pension in any case, which included breakfast and dinner buffets, so that helped (see more below). But with a younger kid in tow, my sister and brother-in-law had a bit more work to do and I didn’t envy them.

Another dud was the realisation that many activities are not included and had to be paid for separately. In all honesty though, it is spelled out rather clearly on their website so it should not have come as a surprise. I’m afraid I have a habit of glossing over minor details when I’m particularly excited about a place, project or person… It has led to much trouble in life, but let me not digress.

Basically, itsy-bitsy costs here and there that crop up multiple times a day do add up, so be prepared. For us, a family of four we spent on average an extra 50 -60 euros a day, on activities and supermarket supplies for lunch. Which was fine, but do remember that our breakfast and dinner was included.

Finally, if you’re leaning towards that Center Parcs vacation, here’s what you should definitely DO and what I’d really recommend you DON’T.

DO: Book more than three months in advance if you can, you will get an early bird discount.

DON’T: Book a VIP cottage. There’s just no need. I’d reckon Premium or Comfort cottages will be just as fine, as long as you don’t mind bringing your own towels (!!). Moreover, you spend the majority of your day outdoors in any case (hopefully) so VIP cottage or not is hardly going to make a difference.

DO: Check in online. Your welcome package will be ready when you arrive and you won’t have to wait for your cottage. My sister didn’t and they had a 3-hour wait.

DON’T: Bother to bring any groceries etc. with you, as there is a decently stocked supermarket onsite. Parents with babies or toddlers might need to carry specific stuff, of course.

DO: Download the Center Parcs mobile app. It keeps track of any activities you sign up for, maintains your daily schedule, lists the menu du jour and much more.

DON’T: Expect a Lalandia or Tropical Islands level water park. Aqua Mundo is quite basic. However, toddlers and five-year-olds might tell you otherwise. Any time we asked my nephew what he wanted to do next, at any time of day or night, the answer was always “yellow water slide”.

DO: Take the demi-pension option. Who wants to cook on holiday? Not me! Plus, the breakfast and dinner buffets are great, and have varying themes from American steakhouse to Italian to Mediterranean. A nice surprise was that beer and wine – white, red and rosé paired with the mains – were included in the dinner buffet. If you want to give your tummy a break, take the demi-pension for one day less than the duration of your stay and either cook light in the cottage (yikes), or have something delivered, or use that evening to step out and discover the local region.

DON’T: Choose a Center Parcs location where they speak a language you don’t. Ideally. It’s not a deal breaker, but it would have certainly been more fun if we could have alle sprachen Deutsch and participated in bingo, quiz night etc.

DO: The High Adventure activity. It’s one of the relatively more expensive ones, not to mention challenging (or scary as my husband would put it), but it is really, really worth it. The adrenaline rush and the satisfaction of completing the course will have you on a high for a whole day.

Bonus tip: Schedule your family mini-golf tournament for the morning of your check out. It’s one of the few activities that you don’t need to book in advance, and is a perfect fuss-free way to hang around for a while after breakfast even though you’ve handed in the key to your cottage. Worked really well for us.

Would I choose Center Parcs again for a future holiday? Almost definitely yes. But next time I’m going to one of those dreamy floating houses at Bispinger Heide or jaw-dropping lakeside homes in Le Lac de Aillette in France. I have to add though, that the staff at Park Bostalsee were absolutely lovely, and über efficient when it came to actioning medical assistance for my poor sister who sprained her ankle on our penultimate day. Would have been nice if they hadn’t charged for the wheelchair that she needed to move around in, on the last day.

Until next time then, hope this helps!